An older Blog post from my previous site. Something interesting to reflect on. This was the last entry I wrote at http://www.beaubreedlove.blogspot.com, after finding out that a man I had been “dating” had lied to me about everything, even his name. In reality, he was writing a report about me. He falsified his entire life and personality, to get into mine, and learn everything about me. It was devastating.
“I lost something today. My faith in humanity.
A college report. An essay. An experiment in vulnerability and celebrity. That is what I have been reduced to.
It is amazing, that after everything I have faced and dealt with, I still had faith in people. I still had faith that someone would tell the truth when they were supposed to. I still believed that under the tough skin, people were good and whole, and kind. I still held out for a knight in shining armor, who would come in to my life and sweep me off my feet. We would fall in love, and he would be the answer to all my prayers.
He wasn’t a knight, and he wasn’t the answer to all my prayers. He will probably be the reason I stop praying, and the reason I’ll never ask for a knight again.
He promised me love, passion, compassion, and everything a world of good people could offer.
I was starving, frail, and timid.
I let him in to my life.
We never met in person, It was only a few weeks of calls, texts, e-mails and face book banter.
Today, I found out I was nothing more than his assignment. A fair student’s bid at a good grade in a college class. An essay.
He manipulated my love, faith, and devotions. He identified my fears and weaknesses, and shot for them both.
Here’s to you. The good student, who never missed a deadline, scored high marks in all the sports you played, and sat comfortably in the dining hall with you beautiful blonde girlfriend. Because we all know you weren’t really gay.
This will be a joke and a story to share with your straight friends, while sipping an ice cold beer; Matter of fact, have a good ol’ Sam Adams for me.
You burned me, hurt me, damaged me, and drained my last ounce of energy and faith.”